Shadow's Passed

I Like You

2010-08-26T10:24:00.001-07:00

I like the way you listen
to the way he spits his game.
I like the way you think
that I’m a boy who’s just the same.

I like the way you fell
for him just once, but now you see
that I’m a boy who’s just the same;
you’d never fall for me.

I like the way your heart
still lies controlled within his hand.
I like the way you still think
that I couldn’t understand

the pain he made you feel, and
that you still think you are free.

I like how you’ve allowed your pain
to blind yourself from me.

The Final Front

2010-07-24T03:11:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what people think of me. No one ever really says bad things about who I am. Maybe it's because I'm sweet. So sweet that no one has anything bad to say about me. But I know that isn't the case.

It's because I'm so sweet people feel bad about the negatives they see in me. They feel bad, because they know I'm just a sweet, innocent boy, and even if they end up doing it anyway, they don't want to hurt me.

But that's just a front.

So then there's the rest. They know me for who I am, the lies I never tell, the truth no one ever cares to see. They understand that deep, dark side of me so well that they hate it. They can see me for the terrible person I truly am inside, and they know that my twisted, rationally immoral, logical mind contemplates and understands my own decisions too well to be dismayed.

I'm too corrupted to be hurt.

But they don't know that it's only another front.

There's an innocence inside me that I can't describe. That few people can believe. That I have yet to even understand. Almost everyday, it kills me slowly from the inside, as I derive more and more pain from my thoughts and observations. It is an innocence of hurt, that I can't stop or explain or rationalize, and it flows endlessly from a constant source... a source I dedicate my entire life to identifying.

Maybe this is a front as well. If it were, I wouldn't know. Sometimes I wonder what the final front will be. If it will ever come. But I know it doesn't matter. I'm waiting for a train. But I don't know where I hope it will take me.

Sliding

2010-06-01T22:51:00.001-07:00

Footsteps carry on
and leave their imprints in the snow.
I call for their attention
but they never want to know.
I’m looking for
the scattered pieces
of my shattered soul.
Alone,

I’m sliding down the rabbit hole.

And I Can’t Stop that Feeling Anymore…

2010-04-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

the world feels like a cold place
and the lights at night feel dim,
and empty,
and unsympathetic.
but even when the lights are bright,
and even in those lively nights,
when the lights are on but
nobody’s home,
it only just feels
that much more alone.

and i can’t stop that feeling anymore,
when it comes,
i succumb, and those
dim lights haunt the depths of my imagination
my vision of this world, tainted
by shadows and dark,
terrible things that i
don’t want to understand anymore.

dark things, that you once lit up for me.
shadows you dispelled
with a light that burned brighter than any
rationality i could ever come up with
to make myself feel better…

but now your shattered,
scattered
flame
only burns
everything

around me

inside of me.

Message in a Bottle

2010-03-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Looks like I actually have something to post on tumblr for once.

Today was a good day. I haven't had many lately, really.

It starts off pretty shitty, actually. It's a minimum day and no one knows what to do. EJ drives downtown for no reason, and Damon, Monico, EJ and I all get out of the car and walk. We walk down the pier to the beach when I step on a massive piece of gum and sit down to scrape it off.

We start talking, and talking, and I get the idea to try skipping some rocks. So Monico and I climb down the rocks and start throwing some down into the ocean. EJ and Damon are messing with weird sea urchins and things when Damon finds a 40 oz empty alcohol bottle.

Message in a bottle? EJ says.

Monico and Damon are down. I'm, honestly, not. It seems stupid, a waste of time, and taking away from our productive and deep conversation. But the guys are into it, so Damon pulls out some paper and I give Monico my pen and he starts to write.

He writes about the world, and California. He writes about Obama, and the economy, and Twitter. He writes about earthquakes, and Google, and himself, and as he writes, I'm intrigued; what if someone actually found it? It is a thick glass bottle. And drift tends to get washed ashore. What if one day someone finds this bottle and reads our message— how would it feel?

And with that I was in. I take the letter as Mico finishes and I write. I try to be funny. I make jokes about situations the reader could be in. I write a small Japanese segment just in case it floats the wrong way. I tell them how much uglier I am than Monico, but I ask them to find me if I'm alive, and whether they still use emotes.

Damon and EJ both write their segments— half a page, each of us— and then we all write down our information. I'm not sure what the others write, but I write my full name, and my Gmail, because I'm confident Google will have taken over the world by then. I write my blog as well, so that if I am dead, they can read all of my inferior poetry that may, by then, may be mistaken as good somehow due to language evolution.

We tear some fishing line off a drift cloth laying on the nearby rocks, roll up the letter, and tie it. Damon cleans the bottle out and we insert the letter and close the cap as tight as we can. Then we walk to the end of the pier.

Monico reaches back, and he hurls the bottle out as far as he can

and as it flies into the ocean, glistening in the sunlight, I can only think that maybe the greatest plan really is nothing.

Just finished up our letter

Walking down the pier rocks

Bottle's on the right! :]

Warm Heart

2010-02-08T22:01:00.001-08:00

The winter sparkled across the quiet city. The sun, setting in a glowing red arc in the distance, seemed to cast an aura of tranquility across the soft, white snow. A late bus made it’s way through town, its tracks imprinting on the frosty street.

Emily looked out the bus window. She loved the snow. She loved the way it glistened in the afternoon, in those rare moments the sun came out for a perfect balance of sunlight and snow clouds. Sometimes she even thought she lived for it; as though the entire year were but a payment for the sweet, rewarding winter.

When the bus arrived at Emily’s apartment, she almost missed the stop, preoccupied with her thoughts. She got off the bus and made her way up the stone steps to her building. The evening porch light flickered on as she reached for the door.

She made her way up the stairs to her apartment, the way she always did. There was an elevator, but Emily never used it. It was boring, dissatisfying. It seemed unstable to her, not knowing what floors it could stop at, or who could interrupt the peaceful ride up to her home.

Emily watched the snow falling outside her window. It mystified her— there was so much, and it seemed to come from nowhere. And she knew that, someday soon, it would all be gone, almost magically, only to come back the next year. On time, every time. It was a soothing consistency in her troubling world.

The winter comes back.

The winter always comes back.

Emily thought about this as she crawled into bed. Closing her eyes, she repeated the simple fact to herself. It resonated through her mind as she slowly, happily slipped away.

He always comes back.

* * * * * *

The first time he left, Emily gave him a bottle of snow. He knew what it meant to her. He knew how much she loved it, so he took it, kindly and understandingly, but at the same time he seemed confused.

It’ll melt, he said, tentatively.

I know. But there’s more. You can come back and get more. She looked at him intently, her eyes sparkling.

Okay, he said, I will.

And he did— every winter, year after year. Just like the snow. But his consistency was more than just soothing to her. It was as though his visits were a sort of retribution for leaving, but she never considered it that way. He never wanted to leave. He had to, he told her, and she knew it was true, but that didn’t seem to help at all.

I can’t stay here anymore, he told her one fateful day. Emily knew he couldn’t, yet knowing he couldn’t, and knowing it wasn’t either of their faults, only helped her as much as knowing it was true. It didn’t help— nothing did. She cried, and he told her how much he loved her, but that didn’t help either.

But he told her he would always come back, and he did. It didn’t seem like much, but somehow, that made everything better. She looked forward to his visits, maybe even more than she looked forward to the winter.

She didn’t really know what she would do without him. And yet, she did. She knew exactly what she would do without him. She didn’t know what she would do with him. He brought her life remarkable instabilities— but she loved them, because they were his, and he was wonderful. It had been so long, they had become a part of her life.

As long as Emily could remember, he was always there. In elementary school he would stand by the slide as she went down.

If you fall I’ll catch you, he told her.

She remembered thinking of what a silly thing that was. How stupid the boy must have been. But she also still remembered the strange, permanent sense of security it gave her. Emily knew she wouldn’t fall off that slide, but it was as though there were hidden dangers she had yet to learn of, that she knew he’d protect her from. She teased him for it, but somehow, she never wanted to go down the slide when he wasn’t around.

She hadn’t been down a slide in a while.

* * * * * *

A bright, white light streamed through Emily’s window and onto her bed. Squirming, she got up and looked out the window at the snowy ground below. She smiled.

Emily took her time picking her outfit for the day. White and pink, she decided, strapping on her pink snow boots. As she walked out the door, she threw on her thick, insulated winter jacket.

It was a frigid day, but Emily was happy. Even the cold air seemed to warm her heart, because she knew she was on her way to meet her warmth once again. Smiling, she crossed the street from her apartment and called for a taxi, her winter boots clacking on the frosty asphalt.

Town Square please, she told the driver. She’d never said those words before, she realized. She was always too young for a taxi— her mother made her walk. It was okay then, she didn’t mind, and she wouldn’t have minded this time either.

Emily couldn’t wait to see him. In her head she imagined what he would look like. She imagined conversations between them, playing scene after scene through her mind until, she realized, she had arrived. She paid the driver, too excited to remember to thank him, and stepped out into the open air.

The square was magnificent. Soft white snow blanketed the ground, benches, and trees around the area. It wasn’t too thick, the way it was in some places. It was just the right amount, Emily thought: enough for her to get lost in, and at the same time, enough to forget about when she needed to. Holiday decorations were just starting to be put up, and there were clumps of mistletoe tied to the light posts.

Emily looked across the shining, white square to the center, in which stood a large, ornate tree, covered in bright, yellow lights. At the top sat a massive silver star, and at the bottom—

Emily’s vision blurred as tears came to her eyes, and before she knew it she was running as fast as she could. When the boy saw her coming he braced himself as she jumped on top of him.

Jesus Emily, he said sarcastically, you could at least be a little enthusiastic.

She laughed.

I missed you, she said.

I missed you too. He smiled.

They walked around the square together, planning and reminiscing and Emily tried not to think too much of what she knew would inevitably come next. He told her about life away from her, and she told him how everyone else was so not like him. He told her about the drive there, and she told him about her new job, and school. They laughed and hugged and took pictures.

It’s snowing a lot, this year, he said.

Yeah, it is. I hope it wasn’t too hard for you to get here…

Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. It was worth it, he said laughing. I just thought you might be cold.

You make me warm, she told him. And it was true.

She enjoyed herself, and by the end of the day, she felt renewed, and satisfied. Everything was as she’d hoped it would be. As the night clouds started to roll in, Emily knew it was almost time to go. It made her sad, the way it always did, but this time was different, somehow, she could feel it. The boy looked at her, grabbed her hand, and walked her over to a bench, where they sat down.

I have to tell you something, he said.

Emily’s heart stopped. How she knew what he was going to say, she didn’t know. But she knew.

The snowfall seemed to slow as he moved his body closer to hers. He wrapped his arms around her and sat, silently, for several minutes.

She looked at him. The tear on his face mirrored hers.

He looked up.

I can’t come back here anymore, he said.

She looked down at her feet. The cold air felt numbing to her core.

…I know.

* * * * * *

The winter left, eventually. Emily sat outside on the steps to her apartment, everyday, watching as the snow disappeared, little by little. The sun rose and its glowing red arc spread its warmth across the city, and as the last of the snow melted away, she wondered just how much of it would return the next year.

Monico

2010-01-21T18:39:00.001-08:00

Deceit

Oh Fallen Angel, come to me,

and fly me to my path.

One-winged Angel, fluttering

the one wing you have left.

I need your help now, desperately,

though you’re not at your best;

I know that you can help me

with the one wing you have left.

I’m helpless, here alone;

I only ask your healing kiss.

You’ve helped me once before,

and that was no more wrong than this.

So come to me, I’m innocent,

despite the wing you lack.

You’ll never see the wing of yours

I hold behind my back.

A memory, from your last plight—

your last, selfless act of good.

I know I should be thankful,

but I know you know I should.

Oblivion

2010-01-19T04:48:00.000-08:00

The nights are getting longer...
one.
two.
three.
four.
and the line between night and day slips slowly further into oblivion.

One More Long Night

2009-12-18T02:37:00.001-08:00

It’s lonely, I noticed. Sometimes I have those who keep me company but the fact is, I hate being up at night. I used to think it was something I enjoyed, but I see now I only thought I enjoyed it because I had no other choice.

I’m scared. I mean, it’s stupid, but I’m sitting here writing a story, and it’s 2:30 AM on Friday morning, and I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m scared of, but the world just doesn’t feel like a place I want to be in right now. I don’t have the energy to try to write this properly or wittily or format it or whatever, and I don’t even know who reads these things, but I don’t know… I don’t know what I want anymore, just like I don’t know what I’m writing anymore, or what I’m doing, half the time. Maybe my life is just one big rant, like this one, and all my efforts to write it properly are useless. Just like my stories, all they do is stop me from ever writing it. Maybe I should let go…

But what exactly do I let go of? How do I know what’s important, what’s real, what’s mine?

Listening to

I Know

2009-11-12T18:50:00.001-08:00

I can’t keep up with you.

You, in yourself, and you in your entity. Everything, everyone here, so new and jubilant and enthralling but likewise, so very unnatural, recusant to my disposition.

I suppose I always thought it was a sort of act. A giant emotional facade, built to hold back the unwanted and let out the rest. But I see now there was no act.

This is them. This is you. This is everyone… but not me.

And here I stand once again, in the only familiar ground I know— to be left behind? Maybe. Maybe I can break from myself this time. Maybe this time can be different.

But right now, all I feel is me…

And all I want to be is yours.

The Way I’ve Always

2009-10-20T22:40:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking about you.

I know I shouldn’t. I mean, it’s only thinking, but after so long even thinking is… idiotic.

But at this point it seems to me unavoidable. I’d done fairly well; I went for so long, not thinking of you, happy in my newfound element. But in the end, the thought of you can never leave my mind; just as the feeling of you will never leave my heart.

I’ve been thinking about what could have been. That is what people think about, right? Nothing actually could have been, I know, but of course I don’t think that matters, in my mind. I guess I just wanted to think about what the nothing could have been. What I wanted it to be.

What I want it to be.

I thought I wanted to hold your hand again— truthfully, I want you to hold mine, the way you used to. I want to talk to you the way I still do, but I want to matter while I do it, the way I used to. I want to lay my head on yours and tell you everything I’m thinking about you, then, now, and forever— the way I used to. I don’t want to feel this way about you anymore, the way I used to. The way I’ve always.

The way I’ll always.

The Wonders of Ignoring Creative Writing Prompts

2009-09-30T23:04:00.001-07:00

How is it that we as human beings carry on in this world? Despite knowledge of all the others, individuals no less deserving than we, hindered by circumstances out of their control, we carry on. We cast aside our guilt, empathy, and selflessness to fulfill our one greatest, undeniable need for survival.

But without such things, what is left of life?

To exempt everything important in life for life itself— what, then, do we live for?

Of all the things human beings strive for, only survival is encoded directly into our subconscious. It is the basis of our DNA— every aspect of our existence revolves around it. The pain we feel is only in our minds, instilled by nature to encourage the avoidance of death. The pleasure we seek is only an extension of life in our eyes.

Everything we feel is only in our minds.
Everything we do, we do because we feel.
And thus, we are all, in the end, nothing.

Nothing but figments of our own imaginations.

Hi, my name is Arie!

2009-09-14T23:41:00.001-07:00

And we’ve already met.

But maybe you don’t know me like you should.
Of course, who’s to say how well you should know me? Well, I don’t know how well you want to, but I’m sure we could agree you should at least know as me well as you think you know me and maybe you don’t know me that well after all.

So know me.

Or not. Whatever you want :)

I am a passive aggressive person. I’m also recessive, and what I mean by that is that I’ll let you have your way, as long as it doesn’t hinder mine. I can’t ask you to do too much for me, because that would be taking more than I feel I deserve. I give in because I don’t like conflict and drama, unless whatever you’re doing truly is inexcusable to my own well being. You can have your way,

but that doesn’t mean you’re not wrong.

Sure I let people take the means. But when it comes to reasoning, I know my path. You can always convince me not to do something. You can never convince me that I shouldn’t do something. I have better reason than you, and I do welcome debate. Just meet me on AIM and be ready for actual, meaningful conversations based on logic and rationality. But I hope you’re ready for what you’re asking for, because

I’m good with words.

I just can’t say them. Thus the AIM requirement. I mean seriously, if you’ve ever heard me talk, you would know I’m quite literally incoherent. There’s that phrase, “Cat got your tongue?” It’s sort of like that but instead of a cat it’s a large metal cage inserted by an orthodontist in the front of my innocent mouth. My tongue cannot keep up with my mind, and so I don’t bother. No one understands my arguments in real life, so I don’t make them. My tongue pretty much just gave up on itself.

But my mind never stops.

Every minute of every day, I’m thinking, of something. I think in the form of conversations; debates with notable people in my life. I say my point, they say what I’d expect a smart person to respond with, and I think until I have a counterpoint. They run endlessly in my head, and I learn so much about myself and the world and how I see it, but whenever the conversations come up… they never go the way they were supposed to.

That makes me sad.

Because I’m an emotional person. I have my phases. They always last for long periods of time, and their variability depends on my situation but they all always come no matter what. I’ve been happy a lot lately, now that I’ve found my true friends, but I still get sad. Usually it’s when I fall in love, but recently I’ve been sad from deep, deep regret, from the silliest things. People hurt me, so easily, in ways I never let them know (because I’m passive aggressive, of course). But don’t worry.

I’m just the clerk who shoots everyone in the store.

Just kidding. I like to be sarcastic, cynical, and witty. Of course that may not have been too witty but generally I need someone to bounce wittiness off of. And when that happens, hell, even I love myself; and that’s rare.

I usually hate myself.

Because I’m human. I hate inability, so I learn everything I can, from penspinning, to popping, to taekwondo. I hate not being skilled, so I become skilled. I hate my subconscious and my emotions, so I do everything possible to rationalize them every moment I can. It helps, I think. Open mindedness is the key to true understanding.

And that’s what I strive for.

Because understanding is the key to happiness…
And that’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

To be continued?

Quiet

2009-09-10T22:06:00.001-07:00

You’re so quiet and quaint as I slip off your masks

and you smile as if you might know something more.

I know what comes next, and you know just as well,

and you seem like you’ve done this before.

So it starts and you flinch as I poke at your fears,

and you stir as I shake your familiar core.

You brace for what’s next, and I lose all control,

and you scream like you’ve done this before.

Once it’s done you embrace your unstable relapse,

and you tremble as if you don’t want anymore.

But you know what comes next, and I know just as well,

and I know that you’ve done this before.

Song Inspiration:
Anberlin - Breaking

First Day a Fool

2009-09-09T19:54:00.001-07:00

Guess what time it is everyone?
It’s time to LEARN!

Or at least, pretend to.

Another year, another waste. I mean, okay, I guess I can take something away from Government, and I’ll definitely enjoy Creative Writing, but the rest of my schedule is a whole bunch of nothing as far as I’m concerned.

Creative Writing 1-2            Yeah, this’ll be fun.
US Government                   One of the few things I actually need to learn.
Drawing and Painting 1-2      Good luck teaching me how to draw.
Rhetoric and Composition     Is “English” not enough anymore?
Journalism Production           Did someone say FIELD PASS???
Japanese 3-4                        …shut up.

I’ll have some fun in English too I suppose; not because I’ll learn something, but because I seem to know more than the teacher does in that class.
I’ll definitely have fun with the Journalism camera, and field privileges.
Whoever decided Creative Writing shouldn’t count as Art credit is an idiot. It’s the only reason I’m stuck with that stupid Drawing and Painting class. And even though I’ve no intention of going straight to a UC in the first place, my mom wants me to cover all my bases. –_-

Well today was fun. We started a new slate once again for the ClothesPIN game. I got SEVENTEEN POINTS!!! I’m so proud. And I don’t care if Monico got 30. I never loved him.

Before school I helped a Freshman in a wheelchair get his Alpha Station, since it was too crowded for him to get to the paper. I felt pretty good about that :)

I met 3 new girls and forgot their names already ><” That can’t be good…

Mr. Peyton actually remembered me! I had him for 6th grade advisory at Hoover Middle School. Isn’t that insane?

So anyways, I’ve decided to myself that I’m going to own this year. I’m going to utterly, indisputably, consummately devastate this year.

I’m gonna get straight A’s, or something like that.
I’m gonna join DREAM and go to Homeland and any other dancing activities I can find. Not to mention actually dancing at a dance (with my hot date Crystal ;).
I’m gonna meet everyone.
I’m gonna beat CJ and Monico and EJ at the clothespin game. +17 POINTS BITCH
I’m gonna keep my virginity and brag about it.
I’m gonna make a better list than this one of how I’m gonna own this year, and post it up later.

I write this here now, to remind myself…
that when I’m done with this year
it’s not gonna know what the fuck just happened to it.

__________________________________________

Word of the Post

Consummately - Entirely

Quote of the Day

Some Guy from Creative Writing I Don’t Know Yet BUT I WILL IT’S ON MY LIST

Is sharing sanitizer… sanitary?

Current Song Addiction

Freestylers - Push Up
It’s soooo ORGASMIC! How can anyone not dance to this? And it makes me imagine Monico’s cute wacking :wub:

Hey Kristine

2009-09-06T14:59:00.001-07:00

You make me want to do bad things, so you’ll appear on my shoulder and tell me not to.

09/05/09

2009-09-06T00:32:00.001-07:00

*Ice Skating Rink*

Man, what the hell. I just paid $12 to make left turns.

Love Spectrum

2009-09-05T12:56:00.001-07:00

You make me yellow, happy,
when you brighten up my day;
my heart waits anxiously
to hang on every word you say.

You make me blue with sorrow
when you tease my loving heart.
I choose to give you everything,
and you tear it apart.

You make me green with envy
when your lips make one with his;
not so much as for affection,
but for lack of what this is.

You make me red with anger
when you dig under my skin
with your taunting understanding
of my secrets kept within.

You make me black, and empty,
when you leave me to my own.
My thoughts cannot compare
to the emotions I have known.

You make me colorful,
with all the horrid, wondrous things you do.
And every time you leave me…

All the colors go with you.

09/04/09

2009-09-05T01:18:00.001-07:00

*Brawling*

EJ - Arie

Hey, no, get away from me!

DIE, BITCH!

AAHHH NUUUU!

HAH! YES! CHECKMATE!!!!!

CJ - Arie

OH MY GOD!

WHO!?

OH ZEUS!

HOLY CONFUCIUS!

OH KING RAMSES THE SECOND!

I wrote this for You…

2009-08-31T00:38:00.001-07:00

although you barely know my name. And I could show this to you but you’d think it nothing all the same. I’ll stay right here, within your sights, because that’s all that I can do… and maybe someday in the future, I can mean something to you.

Well, I mean, it’s okay, you can tell me, whatever it is…

…honestly?
The truth is…
You’ve had a place in my heart… since the first moment I saw you…

Wait, what?

You know, that first night, I saw you while the others were busy…
and every fiber of my heart fluttered instantaneously.

It really felt like I was falling, deep into some endless abyss… maybe that’s what they call falling in love.

Haha! Oh my gosh, stop it, you’re just saying that! You’re making me blush.

No, I’m serious. I mean I know it may seem weird, but everything I’ve done up to this point has been to get closer to you…

Everything…? And everyone was just…?

Yeah, I know. It was silly of me…
But maybe…

it worked?

Analysis: Reciprocate Me

2009-08-26T01:27:00.001-07:00

I got this smile for you
and I’ll wear it for you everyday
It tells me what to do
and what to say.

And now I know

just how to please your keen eye
gazing through my hollow mindset everyday.
I know now what to do
and not to say.

And now I see

just how you felt for me-
the lies you told me everyday.
I know now I should leave;
You know I’ll stay.

And now I can’t
help but surrender to these endless thoughts of you.
And now I won’t
elude your keen eye’s gaze no matter what I do.

Your testing grounds, I cannot be.
You have me (if vicariously).
I gave you all I have so please, just
please,

reciprocate me.

___________________________________________

For this analysis we’ll use “Eric” as the speaker and “Emily” as the subject.

I got this smile for you
and I’ll wear it for you everyday

“This smile” is a symbol of happiness. Eric refers to “getting” the smile, implying the smile is purchased, manufactured, and, essentially, fake.

It tells me what to do
and what to say.

The “smile” that Eric refers to initially now represents his false happiness, which now gives him a sense of how to correctly present himself, in words and in actions.

And now I know
just how to please your keen eye
gazing through my hollow mindset everyday.
I know now what to do
and not to say.

The “keen eye” Eric speaks of is that of Emily. What he means is that Emily is able to see through him. Eric’s hollow mindset is his normal, daily persona. Eric always appears normal, but is empty on the inside, and Emily’s keen eye can see that. But Eric’s new smile tells him how to “please” Emily’s eye, or avoid it, by acting properly and not saying the wrong things, which he used to always do.

And now I see

just how you felt for me-
the lies you told me everyday.
I know now I should leave;
You know I’ll stay.

Under the protective refuge Eric has found in his new smile, he is able to observe Emily’s actions closer, and he himself can discern what Emily is feeling. Through this, he realizes the things Emily had always told him were lies. Knowing this, Eric knows he should cut his ties with Emily and stop being used, but he and Emily both know he loves her too much to leave.

And now I can’t
help but surrender to these endless thoughts of you.
And now I won’t
elude your keen eye’s gaze no matter what I do.

At this point Eric realizes that his smile never really fooled Emily’s eye. His attempts to elude her keen eye’s gaze were utterly futile, and he starts to panic as he spirals back into desperate love.

Your testing grounds, I cannot be.
You have me (if vicariously).
I gave you all I have so please, just
please,

reciprocate me.

Eric’s final statement is directed outward, to Emily. He asks her first to stop toying with him, because his heart doesn’t have the endurance to be her testing grounds. He tells her that he’s given her everything, and all he wants is for some of his love to be returned.

Quotes of the Brotherhood

2009-08-25T01:19:00.001-07:00

(12:03:50 AM) shadowserpant00 rawr
(12:03:52 AM) mrevilljr [Auto Response] Jammin with my sax (:
(12:04:06 AM) shadowserpant00 man you just never stop do you xD
(12:04:33 AM) mrevilljr what chyea mean?
(12:04:36 AM) shadowserpant00 -_-
(12:04:42 AM) shadowserpant00 or you just never tell me when you're back
(12:04:58 AM) mrevilljr well right now i'm putting it back
(12:05:11 AM) mrevilljr i just saw an orange flashing light at the corner of my eye
(12:05:44 AM) shadowserpant00 that's my heart
(12:05:48 AM) shadowserpant00 calling out to you
(12:05:53 AM) mrevilljr YOU FRUIT! XD
(12:06:15 AM) shadowserpant00 xD

EJ: Man, isn’t E a great key? It’s like my favorite key in the world.

Arie: Oh, uh, yeah, I totally like, love that key…

Arie: I’d bang that key so hard it’d be an E flat by the time I’m done with it.

08/20/09

2009-08-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

The Wicked Witch is dead!

Which one?

Both of them! The North and South too, for that matter!

The Exchange (revised)

2009-08-17T14:22:00.001-07:00

There was this girl
and a boy
and the boy
bought her
a necklace
with a key on it
and when he gave it to her
the boy said,
"I hope you like it."
Because that was
all that he hoped she would do.

She asked him
what the key opened
and he didn't know
so he went out
and the the boy bought her
a small
purple box
with a bright
red glow
from the inside
and when he gave it to her
the boy said,
"I hope you love it."
Because that was
all that he wanted her to do.

So the girl
went home to get
the key
but then she realized
she had lost it.
So the girl
looked around a bit
until she gave up
and decided
it wasn't worth it.
So she told the boy
and when he heard it from her
the boy said,
"I hope you find it."
Because that was
all that he needed her to do.

So the next day
since the girl lost the key
the boy went out
and he bought her
a hammer
and she tried
to break the box open
but she accidentally
broke the heart
he’d kept inside.

And when he gave her
the broken pieces
the boy said,
"I hope you miss it."
Because that was
all that was left for her to do.

Secret Spinner’s Club

2009-08-09T01:53:00.001-07:00

Alright this post is gonna be quick and cheap because I don’t have time for much else :/

Today was the gathering. Basically a bunch of penspinners in socal go hang out in Brea. It was pretty awesome. I’ll try to expand this when I get back.

Anyways, I’m going camping tomorrow to sometime around the 13th. Yes I’ll be out for my birthday, hopefully we can (idk if you guys all read my crap) go on that DownTown Adventure we kindasorta planned a long time ago when I get back. I also have a joint birthday party with my cousin on the 15th at Bonelli Park, I believe. It’s 45 minutes or so away and it has a nice lake and such.

CJ, you suck.

Peace.

__________________________________________________

Quote of the Day

Keane

cockblocking is number 0 in the 10 commandments
thou shalt not cockblock

Current Song Obsession

Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
This song makes me want to break out dancing in the middle of any class, street, or orgy I may be at when it plays. It’s just that cool. I know I’m late as hell, but I’m too busy listening to this to care.

The Woes of Life and Love

2009-08-05T02:07:00.001-07:00

I’m sad…

Goddamn I’m sad.

08/03/09

2009-08-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day

EJ:
I used to like this girl. But I’ve always had this lowkey fear that I’m related to her.

08/01/09

2009-08-01T21:45:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day

Arie to CJ

So do you put sauce on the pasta before you fuck it?

Confession!

2009-07-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

I'm gay. :)

Just Kidding. Not that theres anything wrong with that right? right. SO OBEY ME!

SUCCUMB TO MY POWER! or else face the wrath of the JUJU! Like what the Holocaust did to the jews. hehe dreidel. x] BURN! I SAY BURN!

I summon the powers of Google to take over the world! >:]

<--(x_X)--<<

Love CJ & EJ ;)

Hell [of a] Time

2009-07-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

Fun is fun, right? I mean fun is... it's anything you want it to be, right? There's nothing wrong with fun if you're not hurting anyone, and you can't hurt dead peop-

Whoops, getting ahead of myself. Anyways, it's a good thing I don't believe in hell, or I sure as hell would be going there.

I woke, to my own antipathy, a little past noon to EJ's phone call; the one he told me I'd be getting at 9 AM. I was flipping out for not waking up on time, but as it turns out, no one else did either. So I rushed to get ready, and EJ was going to come get me, Christian, and Dreidel.

Once I was ready, it turned out my mom was on her way to my cousin's house, which meant that I couldnt pretend my cousin was taking me and go with EJ. So, thinking EJ was rapidly on his way, I called my cousin Dennis to take me to Forest Lawn, where we were going to visit our friend, Paul Michael Alindog.

Well, as always, I gave my friends too much credit. As I sat in the dreary heat of Forest Lawn's, uh, lawn, EJ idled at Christian's house, having yet to pick up Dreidel and meet me at the mortuary. We were going to go eat afterward, so I walked across the street to check the price of the Korean BBQ.

Turns out the BBQ closed from 3-4, and afterwards the dinner price would be $15 that I could not pay. So we decided to eat first. When the gang showed up some 45 minutes later [angry face], we went in to eat.

A tiny grill and four hungry people were not a good match. I of course built up a giant plate of chicken, the only meat I eat, and loaded it onto the grill while the others piled on their beef, beef, and beef. Of course they cooked about 3 rounds of beef before my batch of chicken finally started to finish up; but damn, it was worth it.

While waiting I grabbed some sushi, but Dreidel stacked up whole plates of authentic nihon food, complete with chopsticks and cute Asian squeals of embarrassment.

EJ and Christian got caught up at one point in a deep conversation about Yu-Gi-Oh, the freakin show. Dreidel and I stared intently at them and called them stupidass shitfucking faggot douchefucks until they noticed, which, actually, they didn't.

So yeah, we ate, EJ sprinkled orange juice over the food, and then we cooked the Jello. I'll tell you now, if you've never cooked Jello before, DO IT, it's amazing. It just disappears. Er… melts. Whatever it's cool!
What’s cooler than cooking Jello? Well that would have to go to EJ sucking it up right off his plate.

After we ate we headed over to Forest Lawn (across the street). Paul's grave was easy to spot; the headstone plague hadn't been put in yet, but an array of flowers, pinwheels, and his picture marked the spot. We sat down and talked for awhile, generally reminiscing. The flowers they brought were dying, tiny, and pitiful in comparison to the large, ornate ones surmounting his resting place, but I can only assume he wouldn’t really mind.

It was an incredibly peaceful place, Forest Lawn. I guess they really take that RIP stuff to heart (which is good). The tranquility of that place… well, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like it. It was like being underwater, in a sense. Well, maybe that’s how he feels…

Anyways, we sat there for awhile talking, and EJ wanted to go walk around the mausoleum for a bit. They got up and Christian gave Paul a hug, either to his chest or to his crotch, we weren’t sure.

I hung behind for a few minutes to talk to Paul myself. What I said was…

Hey Paul… I hope I’m not bothering you…
I wanted to tell you that… I’m sorry this world has to be this way. I’m sorry people like me live so… easily… and the good people like you carry our burden… because you… truly were a good person. I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could meet you on better terms. You know… you make me believe in heaven. Because if there weren’t, it’d be an injustice to you.
Anyways… I should go catch up with them now. I’ll come back. You’re alright, right? This is a nice, quiet place… but I know that can get lonely. We’ll come back, you know… I’ll see you next time Paul… Don’t go anywhere, yeah?

So I headed off to catch up with the others. We walked up the mausoleum steps and went into the left wing, because I said so, for no reason. It’s amazing what the tiniest hint of decisiveness can do for you when no one else has a bit.

The mausoleum was beautiful. It truly amazes me that the greatest buildings mankind can conjure are for… dead people. It’s about respect as Dreidel says, and I understand that, hell, I condone it, though maybe not advocate.

Anyways, the building was quiet and dim, with light music playing in the background. The floor was white carpet and marble, the walls made entirely of elegant marble as well. There was one man in sight but he left quickly and we were alone in the building.

The echo was enough to hear my own breathe played back to me three times over, and I tentatively whistled Epona’s Song to an incredibly beautiful effect. Zelda’s Lullaby had a similar allure.

We wandered the mausoleum, finding families and couples in the walls. It was oddly engaging, and no one really had any desire to rush out.

Once we explored the whole building we went outside and looked around more. At some point we hit a break in the beautiful courtyard, where the marble turned to… rock. And more rocks. Turns out Forest Lawn was still expanding, and we hit the edge of the construction. Well, being adventurous and all, we went in for a look.
It was like a secret backyard of rubble and dirt. There were supplies lying around, like poles and slabs of stone and marble. There was a half completed mausoleum wall in which we could see the holes being dug out inside for more bodies. I told EJ to get in it, but damn that little guy gets feisty.

We walked down the rocky path, and Dreidel freaked and grabbed my arm when a wild dog scurried through some rubble to the side of us. Eventually we hit a fork in the road, and there was a freakin coffin lying in the middle of all the rocks. We all flipped out and cautiously proceeded past it, where we ended up outside again by Paul’s grave.

Anyways, that was fun. Like crazy hella fun, I don’t know why, and we even agreed to go explore the other Forest Lawn mausoleums.

…okay, that’s just kind of creepy.

Maybe there’s something wrong with us. Staying away from dead people is the general, natural inclination, right? I mean I have some weird friends, but I always just thought they were crazy. My New Yorker friend and Maria; I think they called it “forensic science” or something like that.

I guess I should stop thinking about it.

After the mortuary, we headed off to Town Center.
We wanted some drinks from Juice It Up, but they were closed for “a freezer issue”, so we went to Ben and Jerry’s. My dolphin senses exploded on sight of the angel behind the counter. EJ and I clicked like crazy for the rest of the day.
Christian bought me a delicious strawberry lemonade smoothie, and EJ got a scoop of cookies and cream. Christian did ghetto spinning moves with my pen and completely dicked me out by pretending to throw it in the air >>”
My mouth was actually in pain from laughing.

We sat in the store for awhile after we ate until dolphin girl left, and we went outside and played with the uh… what do you call that thing? Not the fountain, but the pool-like thing with water flowing off the sides. EJ pulled some pebbles out from it and we skipped them across the water. I managed to make mine skip across the whole thing.

It was almost time to go home, so I fetched a dime out of the water-thing for Christian to take the bus home. He ingeniously tried to skip it across the water and failed, so I fetched him out a quarter. Looking in the water, it seemed there might be enough quarters to buy me a game of DDR, but having gotten my shirt wet enough already, I decided not to.

So EJ went off on his way, and I took Christian to the bus stop and Dreidel to her house. It was a fun day, probably more fun that it should’ve been, when I think about it. And Paul, I sure hope heaven can exist without hell, cos if it can’t, one of us is getting screwed.

__________________________________________________

Words of the Post

Antipathy – a feeling of intense dislike
Surmount – to be on top of
Condone – to allow or accept
Advocate – to support or argue in favor of

Quote of the Day

Shadow
     you guys better take me to some parties this year
EJ
     of course xD
     but obviously we can't drag you in there 100%
     if anything
     we'll take you 30% of the way and its all up to you from there
Shadow
     yeah
     or you could suck me in 70%

Current Song Addiction

Howie Day – Collide
All around awesome song. It’s romantic and it has a wonderful melody. The verses are okay to me, the chorus incredible. I sang it for Serena, but God knows I can’t sing, so, sorry for making your ears bleed :/

Fair Day for Dolphin Dosing

2009-07-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Big day, yes. Today was the big OC Fair with CJ and… other people. Supposedly it was a large group - EJ, Chini, Daniel, and as usual other people I don’t know. But somehow it ended up just CJ, I, Denise, and two people I didn’t know. What an interesting twist.
Well, for reasons unmentionable, CJ was lucky I came.
His Dolphin wasn’t, though. In fact I think I effectively mutilated his Dolphin various times throughout the day. But that’s okay, right Lobster CJ?

Well, I gave CJ a ride there since EJ had a headache and was (not) going to come later. My mom came down to buy me my ticket and bracelet, and she even sprung for CJ’s; $30 each.

Walking in was an extraordinary experience. See, I’d been to the fair before. Many times, actually, as a child. The extraordinary part was that I remembered. Right down to the location of every little lemon shaped booth, I remembered where every ride in the fair was located, and what it was like riding them as a child. I hadn’t been to the OC Fair since I was 9, but damn it felt good.

-------------------- EPIC FAILURE ALERT --------------------

Today is Wednesday, July 29th, and I’ve still failed to finish this post. I don’t know why I fail so much, I’m sorry, but I cannot continue to hold off my other writing projects in light of this one. So, I post this now in hope of finishing it at some future random date.

iOS Home Premium

2009-07-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

Is anyone here some type of computer specialist? Yes, no? Well, guess what.
My day just slapped you all
IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!

So it starts off with Friday, as some of you may recall, as this little tidbit has a bit of a tangent story:

“So I went home, grabbed my Windows XP disc for CJ to install on his laptop and went to his house. We started the installation, murdered that nigga Vista, and talked for a bit until EJ and Dreidel showed up.”

Yes, well, turns out CJ’s wonderful laptop has a motherboard with no Windows XP driver support! As Dreidel would say, Yay! (:
So, time for Plan B: Windows Vis-
WHAT!?

Fuck that. What other Plan B’s do we have? Levonorgestrel? No, that wouldn’t work…
Well then, Windows 7, here we go, yeah?

For those computer novices out there, Windows 7 is the successor to the wonderful Windows Vista, Microsoft’s wonderful ~~piece of coal in the stack of diamonds~~ diamond in the rough. And yes, I trust Wikipedia more than Microsoft, but I suppose I should include the real Windows 7 link for those easily offended by real information.

Anyways, as Windows 7 managed to actually be compatible with its predecessor's drivers, something Shitsta failed to do, we would theoretically be able to install it with no issue. So I downloaded a 7 trial from my perfectly legal bay of pirates, burned it to a DVD (holy crap they don’t even fit on CDs anymore), and headed over to CJ’s house. We stopped by my cousin’s first and I picked up a blank DVD for unrelated later uses.

Once I got to CJ’s we started the 7 installation. Everything was going nicely- the 7 setup actually had a GUI! Unfortunately we hit a (very pretty) roadblock; we needed an activation key.

The torrenters made no mention of activating. I had no clue how the 7 betas were supposed to run. I suppose, as the torrents were for progressive builds, that these people already had their own keys. Whatever the case, the other thing I failed to realize was that there was no reason for me to torrent a 7 Beta; there was already a public release candidate available from Microsoft.

Anyways, CJ and I went over to Monico’s to access his internet. We searched awhile online for every 7 key and keygen available, and NONE OF THEM WORKED.
So, very depressed and distraught, we started the 7 RC download on Monico’s computer. Easy, right? Play brawl for 2 hours, burn 7 to a DVD, an-
Okay. Wait. CJ has the blank DVD I had right? Oh, no. He left it at home. That’s just wonderful.

However, what we did have was the Windows XP disc I left at his house previously. So what we decided to do was reinstall Windows XP on the laptop, then boot 7 from the .iso. Of course, we couldn’t access the internet with the XP boot due to the lack of a LAN driver, so we’d have to transfer the .iso from Monico’s computer to the laptop with a-

DAMNIT. CJ left the USB at his house. Wonderful.
After much thinking we decided we would use…
An iPod.
…Yeah.

Well it’s 8 GB right? And we only needed 2.33 GB. Monico’s computer had the plug. So, right. iPod. Okay.

So it was time to install XP. Simple, right? Shove the disc in, turn on the computer and press a key when it says so to, of course, boot from CD. Unfortunately, the incomplete 7 setup, for some reason, decided to bypass that naggy little boot menu for a (very pretty) superimposing 7 loading screen! Oh joy.

So how did we fix this? Well, we used an ancient, secret technique known as button mashing. We turned the laptop on with the XP disc inside, and pressed all the buttons we could until the computer actually started beeping. It wasn’t exactly a good beep, but it was a beep, and beeps mean something’s happening right? Well, after trying this 5 times or so, it worked!

We ran the XP installation. When it finished, we excitedly restarted the computer and started to prepare to iPod to-
Oh joy. Can you guess what we saw then? Yes, that’s right. The legendary blue screen of death.

What we did then, in our infinite genius, was… try it again. And it worked! XP in, time for the iPod transfer.

Buuuut…
Well, CJ only had an iPod touch. The wonderful folks over at Apple blocked hardware usage on iPod touches to prevent hackers from placing free apps on their iPods, because they didn’t want to give too much control to their users in fear of the product becoming too good.

This turned out to be our final roadblock. After an hour or so of attempting to hack disk usage of the iPod touch, we had no luck, and I had to go home, leaving CJ to wait for Monico to come home with his iPod Video.

By morning, everything was fixed, thus ending a remarkable day of extemporisation and ghetto genius that would put most IT specialists to shame.

The beast of the Serengeti slept through the whole thing. of course.

______________________________________________________

Words of the Post

Levonorgestrel (I’m sure I’ll need this some day)
extemporisation (look, I’m English)

Quote of the Day

Me: There, it’s done. Stop the seed.
CJ: Oh, you dick.

Removed Word of the Post

angelic (as always, left a hint, but only Dreidel would know)

Current Song Addiction

Franz Ferdinand – No You Girls
I guess it’s the message I love, a battle of the sexes, but from a “Why can’t we all just love each other?” perspective. Accurately depicts both sides, I must say. Anyways, Something about getting shot by a Serbian just turns me on.

12 Pounds of Sweet Lovin’

2009-07-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

Subject: Dreidel’s breasts.

Spontaneity is a funny thing. I’d always been somewhat abhorred to it, but maybe it’s only because I never knew anyone capable of engaging it so wonderfully.

It has the negative aspect of, obviously, spontaneity; instability, uncertainty, and oftentimes disappointment. And yet it has the unmatched power of hope, because nothing else can fix your well-planned, crappy day.

Today was just another ordinary day at summer-school. I’d no further prospects for the rest of the day than going home, collapsing, and waking up tomorrow. But lo and behold, Sir ChristianJohn hath text’d thee!

So I went home, grabbed my Windows XP disc for CJ to install on his laptop and went to his house. We started the installation, murdered that Vista, and talked for a bit until EJ and Dreidel showed up.

Then it was brawlin’ time.

Then CJ left for driver’s training, and Dreidel and EJ and I played Cranium and Phase 10, which I won epicly.

At some point I went to go pick Dreidel up off the couch. As I lifted her up by her arms (she was lying down), EJ said

Be careful Arie, her boobs weigh 6 pounds each.

That pretty much made my day. It’s just too bad I dropped Dreidel from laughing.

But I carried her outside while hugging her. Apparently the ability to hold Dreidel and her 12 pound breasts and still move makes me buff, by EJ’s standards. Not nearly as buff as his plate-lifting, fabric-bursting, below average-sized penis, of course.

But hell, since when did size matter.

__________________________________________________

Words of the Post

abhorred
prospects
Vista (the word still makes no sense to me)

Removed Word of the Post

nigga
Can you find where it went? I left a hint.

Current Song Addiction

The Gossip – Heavy Cross
So beautifully sung, the emotion is orgasmic, quite literally. It only threw me off a bit that the singer is a fat chick. You wouldn’t expect it.

The Gossip - Heavy Cross

Lust

2009-06-23T22:23:00.001-07:00

I want to feel your warm heart,
beating vibrantly within
your soft breast pushed against my chest,
my hands entangled with your skin

I want to feel your lust
and taste your sin.

Monico

2009-06-09T01:12:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a real friend?

Draft

2009-06-02T00:44:00.001-07:00

natural genius

The pelican is blissful
with her wings spread 'cross the ocean sky.
She knows the flowing air, and loves to fly.

He knows enough to know
he'll never die.

Reciprocate Me

2009-05-26T17:21:00.001-07:00

I got this smile for you
and I’ll wear it for you everyday
It tells me what to do
and what to say.

And now I know

just how to please your keen eye
gazing through my hollow mindset everyday.
I know now what to do
and not to say.

And now I see

just how you felt for me-
the lies you told me everyday.
I know now I should leave;
You know I’ll stay.

And now I can’t
help but surrender to these endless thoughts of you.
And now I won’t
elude your keen eye’s gaze no matter what I do.

Your testing grounds, I cannot be.
You have me (if vicariously).
I gave you all I have so please, just
please,

reciprocate me.

Feel Good Drag

2009-05-14T00:18:00.001-07:00

She said,
“I’m here for you,”

she said that we could stay here
for awhile

Her boyfriend gone, vicarious,
and no prospect beyond her smile

Lips that need no introduction I know you know
Tell me who’s the greater sin

We can just pretend…
and then we’ll only need pretend within

This was over before,
before it ever began right?

I know….

it’s okay

Nightmares

2009-05-08T00:31:00.001-07:00

I can feel them coming…
the dreams
They come in the night
to haunt my sleep

But tonight I’m ready

No
I am, really…

They are right, in their presence

It’s okay

I’m okay…

I understand them
I am at peace
with them
My mind… it… can rationalise…

No, it’s okay…
Tonight…
Not tonight
they won’t take me… tonight…

please don’t take me tonight…

You Know Who You Are

2009-04-28T23:14:00.001-07:00

Lies

All the things you told me,
they were lies,
and to this very day,
I still think back
to each of you,
and laugh at all I knew you'd say.
I knew the lies so very well;
I knew exactly what I'd get.
My heart, my soul, my mind, they knew,
they knew it all before, and yet
My open heart of Troy
fell victim to your fatal words untrue...
I only wanted love
but that is more than I could say
for you.

The Prestige (incomplete)

2009-04-25T22:07:00.001-07:00

I know that you are waiting

to admire my Prestige.

For I to show my colours

so that you may take your leave

in peace at mind and heart.

But you’ll find my final Act

is not climactic to this show.

And a Prestige is what I lack.

You always were first...

2009-04-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

Right? With everything (nothing), isn't that how it went?

But you wouldn't read this would you? You don't stalk me, like you said, not anymore. Right?

I know it shouldn't, I don't know why it did, but it hurt, to do that...
Not you doing it. Just... for me to.

It shouldn't.

Arie a besoin de votre aide

2009-04-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

Ok les gens, cela pourrait vous sembler stupide, mais S'IL VOUS PLAIT, lisez tout en entier.

Toute personne à qui j'ai envoyé ce lien sait que je ne veux forcer personne, je ne fais que demander

Mon nom est Arie Jalalianfard, et vous êtes sûrement un de mes amis, une connaissance ou une connaissance d'un de mes proches amis.

Qui que vous soyez, je recherche désespéremment votre aide.

Je me suis inscrit à un concour de vidéos en ligne, du style "montrez vos talents", dans lequel il faut montrer ce qui fait de nous une star en 15 secondes.

Bien sûr, je spinne.

C'est un concour dont le prix est de 10 000 dollars, et toute personne me connaissant sait que je ne ferais rien de tel sans de raisonnables chances de victoire.

J'ai besoin de cet argent pour sauver ma famille de la souffrance dans laquelle elle vit depuis maintenant 8 ans.

J'ai envoyé ma vidéo mercredi, et en deux jours je suis passé de la 340ème place à la 55ème place ! (4/18), à laquelle je suis maintenant.

Et c'était sans recrutement.

Mais maintenant, j'ai besoin d'aide.

Malheureusement, afin de voter, vous devez d'abord vous enregistrer, et donc je ne veux contraindre personne à faire cela pour moi, mais je vous serais extrèmement reconnaissant si vous acceptiez de prendre le temps de m'aider.

Premièrement, créez un compte à l'adresse suivante :

http://if.net

Vous devez indiquer que vous avez plus de 18 ans, dans le cas contraire ils vous demanderont l'e-mail de vos parents.

Deuxièmement, ouvrez l'e-mail reçu à l'adresse que vous avez donnez pour avoir le lien de validation. Cela activera votre compte. Si vous ne voyez pas ce lien, n'oubliez pas de vérifier dans la boîte "spam", il arrive qu'il y soit envoyé.

Troisièmement, connectez vous avec votre compte sur if.net.

Quatrièmement, cliquez sur : http://if.net/contests/general/1149661?cid=1432611.

Cela devrais vous renvoyer à ma vidéo.

Finallement, a côté de la vidéo là où il y a écrit "Vote Nom !", cliquez sur la marque verte. Faites bien attention à faire cela AVANT QUE MA VIDEO SOIT FINIE. Quand les 15 secondes seront passés, la vidéo suivante démarrera automatiquement.

Maintenant, à toute personne qui a pris le temps de faire cela pour moi, je vous remercie énormément, et j'aimerais que vous me laissiez un commentaire indiquant que vous avez voté, afin que je puisse vous remercier personnellement et avoir une idée générale de qui a voté. Mais j'ai une chose de plus à vous demander.

Maintenant que vous avez un compte sur if.net, la partie la plus contraignante est terminée. J'ai besoin que vous votiez pour moi tous les jours.

Oui, le site vous permet de voter une fois par jour, et j'ai besoin d'autant de votes que possible, ou alors je vais quitter la tête de classement.

Ce concour dure jusqu'au 15 mai, et je conçoit que cela représente une longue durée de votes quotidiens mais cela m'aiderait vraiment énormément.

Donc encore une fois, si vous votez, s'il vous plait laissez moi un commentaire afin que je puisse vous rappeller tout les jours de voter pour moi. Je ne vais pas essayer de vérifier si vous avez voté ou quoi que ce soit, simplement un bref rappel pour ceux qui pourraient avoir oublié, et donc si vous n'en avez pas trop marre de le faire, ce serait fantastique si vous vouliez m'aider encore plus , incitez certains de vos amis ou des membre de votre famille à faire de même.

Update du vendredi 17 avril. Ok les gens, ceci est très serieux. J'ai besoin de votes quotidiens de la part de chacun. Je poste cela sur mon blog maintenant, et je demande à tout mes proches amis s'il vous plait de distribuer ce lien autour de vous :

http://shadowserpant.blogspot.com/2009/04/arie-besoin-de-votre-aide.html

Si quiconque a du mal à s'enregistrer ou à voter, laissez simplement un commentaire ici et repassez plus tard, je vous répondrai.

Résumé de ma requête :

1) enregistre vous et votez pour moi

2) votez tout les jours

3) distribuez le lien ci-dessus à tout ceux que vous connaisez

Merci énormément à tous pour votre aide !

I Want to Hold Your Hand

2009-04-19T03:29:00.000-07:00

DRAFT: Typed at 3 AM on a crappy keyboard for the sole purpose of retaining a thought. Will be fixed later.

Thes thoughts, i find it har to classify with my lacking undertaning, but i'll try the best i can in this quixotic twilight ramble.

Is it the art of hnd holding tht i wish to comment on? or the mehanics of hand holding? the politics?

science

workings

chemistry

physics

but no i dont think those work

Whtever it is, i thought about it lot toay, or yesterday, saturday anywas.

What is it about holding hands tht makes it so appealing? Is it a simple human desire for touch? Last i checked the hand was no particulrly erogenous zone.

Maybe the intertwined fingers, the palms pressed together, form s physiologicsl connection with an affection fo r this new, warm presence in you palm

notes to self for continuance:

s/m d/s

winidow trransference

senses, receivers

Arie Needs Your Help.

2009-04-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

it's over, guys
anyone newly directed here, ignore it.
explanation later...

Okay guys, this may seem stupid but PLEASE read it all first at least

Anyone that I linked to this, know that I don't expect anything of you, I'm only asking

My name is Arie, and you're either a friend of mine, an acquaintance, or an acquaintance of a close friend of mine.

Whoever you are, I'm desperate for your help.

I signed up for an online video contest, sort of a talent show thing, to "show what makes you a star in 15 seconds
Of course, I spin pens

This is a $10,000 contest, and anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't push for something like this without reasonable hope
I need this money to save my family from the suffering it's been going through for 8 years now.

I submitted my video on Wednesday, and in 2 days I went from rank 320 to 100 76 55! (4/18) 23! (4/21) 11! (4/26), where I am now
And that was without recruiting
But now I need some help

Unfortunately, in order to vote, you have to first register, and so I don't expect everyone to do this for me, but I would be extremely grateful if you would take the time out to help
So if you would like to help me-

First, register an account at:
http://if.net

You may want to set your age as 18, otherwise they'll ask for your parent's email. I don't think they send anything though, it's for contest winners

Second, check the email you registered with for a validation link. This will activate your account
If you don't see an email, check your spam folder, as sometimes it gets sent there

Third, log into your if.net account.

Fourth, click: http://if.net/contests/general/1149661?cid=1432611
That should take you to my video

Finally, below the video where it says "Vote Now!", click the green check mark
Make sure to do this BEFORE MY VIDEO IS OVER
Once my 15 seconds is up, it automatically goes to the next video

Now, anyone that's taken the time out to do this for me, I thank you very much, and I'd like you to leave me a comment telling me you voted so I could thank you personally and have a general idea of who voted
But I've one more thing to ask
Now that you have an account on if.net, the hassling part is over
I need you all to vote for me everyday.
Yes, the site allows you to vote once per day, and I need as many daily votes as possible or I'll get pushed right back out of the top ranks

This contest runs until May 15th, and I realize that is a long time to vote for me daily but it would really help me out so much

So again, if you voted, please leave me a comment so that I can remind you daily to vote for me
I won't try to make sure you voted or anything, just a quick reminder for anyone who might have forgotten, so if you just get tired of doing it, that's perfectly fine
If you'd like to help me out even more, get some of your friends and family to do the same

Update: Friday, April 17th
Okay guys. This is getting serious.
I need daily votes from everyone
I'm posting this on my blogger now, and I ask all of my close friends to please spread this link around: http://shadowserpant.blogspot.com/2009/04/arie-needs-your-help.html

If anyone has trouble registering or voting just drop a comment right here and check back, I will definitely respond.

Summary of my requests:

1) Register and vote for me

2) Vote Daily

3) Spread this link to everyone you know

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your support! ^^

Efface

2009-04-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

I sit here with my bag in hand
and a ticket stub
to Madagascar 2
And even now I can't help but wonder if you
or you
ever found out (or knew)
what goes on in my head.
But even as I ask myself
I know the answer.
For you: no.
And for you:
Well
you never cared to know.

Names for My Children

2009-04-15T00:59:00.000-07:00

Just a little note to self

For a son:
Celador
Kai
Kaile [KIE-lee]

For a daughter:
Persephone
Celeste [sell-EST]
Serena
Lynne

Continuing list as I remember.

MISSION SUCCESS

2009-04-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

+42 for Aristotle.

MISSION BEGIN

2009-04-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

The only day my hair matters, it fucks up.

Alright, it's ninja time bitches.

Title Removed to Avoid Offensive Content.

2009-04-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

Yup.
So is Lent over now?

Good Luck

2009-04-08T18:27:00.000-07:00

The things you do don't always run as smoothly as you want them to.

You try hard not to differ from them all, but still you know you do.

You sleep late, and you cry, and make mistakes, and every single day,

you wonder why things have to be this way, but baby, that's okay...

Cos everybody has some times when things don't ever go their way,

and no one ever understands or knows the perfect things to say,

and I try hard (and fail, I know) to make your awful days suck less,

but just maybe you'll find that given time, I'll be your lucky guess.

Words that I like

2009-04-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

coherent

because i am not

insinuate

because i just do

efface

because 'forget' just doesn't cut it

seductive

because... well who wouldn't?

ethereal

because corporeal is so unnecessary

skiing

because it's so fun to spell

love

because v's make everything cooler

viscous

because it has a v and sounds like vicious, while being nerdy simultaneously

vicarious

because it has a v and sounds cool

voluptuous

because it has a v and- ahahah

vicodin

do i even have to?

simultaneously

because going first is shameful

endeavor

because it makes your failures much less severe

firecrotch

because you'd think it's an insult, but you cant be too sure...

panic

because discos are no fun without it

frantically

because it's the best way to wave your arms while you panic

serena

because saturn makes me think of some kind of chairvase

Hostility

2009-04-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

I wonder what it is, oftentimes, that drives us human beings to act the way we do. When the calamity of our lives does not exceed our patience, the sadness, our pleasure, and the desire, our contentment- still, then, one seems just as likely to act in this way that humans do. So hostile, so aggressively bitter, superior in their actions while inferior in their minds. In fact, I've found that those who have seen the greener grass, and those who keep it, are even more inclined to the natural atrocities of their kind; more so than any poor, starving farmer in a third world country. More than any wartime family at loss for a father. And more than any unfortunate persona of Tim Minchin's Worse Than I (save perhaps the man with the peanuts). In essence, more than anyone who has to right and reason to behave in such a way.

But could it be that such perfect lives are the very fuel for these outbursts? An inner guilt born from their lack of suffering? Maybe they feel that through drama, they may induce the afflictions that they are unworthily free from. Maybe it is simply the vindictive, vicariously sadistic nature of human beings that doom us to our blatant habits of indignity.

Or maybe we all just

think too much of things.

Hey You

2009-04-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

How does it feel?

You sitting there

Your newly found disposition

Your new lovers, so precocious,

your new values, no longer atrocious,

not to the crowd

you've assimilated to

so nicely

You know, that crowd

you've dissolved in,

surprisingly,

surmisingly, it seems, it must be,

lest the hate for them, which you had once known so well,

were as much a fad as any

of the obscure feelings

you claimed or denied to have towards me.

6.28

2009-03-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

The cold air strikes

my shallow heart

the way you struck my broken soul.

Its chill runs strong

throughout my veins

and fills my heartless

hole.

My voice is broken,

tiresome,

from screaming in my head.

Of hundreds of emotions,

still the one

remains unsaid.

My eyes are growing weary

from envisioning your face.

My ears strain to remember

your wonderous, silent grace.

And though my mind knows

so well

that we will never be

again,

my body clings to its aches from you;

my long lost,

loving,

eternal friend.

A Tale of Two Lovers

2009-03-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

I know that I can't fill the hole inside your heart

his shadow cast.

And know that you won't stop the flowing stream

of memories rushing past.

But no,

I don't believe that such a tale

was written not to last.

We have our pasts

but this is new

And no, I don't believe it's true

that that's a shameful thing to do.

I know...

I find something in you.

Maria IV

2009-02-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

If I gave you my hand

for one last, desperate dance

would you let down your guard;

would you give me a chance?

Would you join me, and try-

not too slow, not too fast-

so I won't dance alone

to this song from the past?

Secret II

2008-12-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

anyways
whatever
happy one month
no one will know what this is about so don't bother
it isn't finished so i took out the body stanzas

I realize I don't matter,
but,
pretending, as I must...
I'd like to ask a favor
just between the two of us...

I want you, please,
to be the greatest
lover
you can be.
And give her all the qualities
she couldn't find in me.

I know
that you don't know me;
You don't even know my name...
and though you've never met me, know
I'll ask you all the same

I ask you...
please...
please love her...
If you care,
then show you do...
It took me time to see
but
she'll be happier with you.

I'm Sorry.

2008-11-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

I told her,
once,
said, "Here, take this,"
I gave her something she might miss
I told her,
once,
to take this gift,
but she had something else to miss.

I told her,
once,
said, "Come with me,"
I thought that maybe then she'd see.
I told her,
once,
to come with me,
but she had somewhere else to be.

I told her,
once,
said, "Be with me,"
I never really thought she'd leave.
I told her,
once,
to be with me,
but she had someone else to see.

I told her,
once,
said, "I love you,"
a fool to think such love was true.
I told her,
once,
that I loved her,
but still her heart would not deter.

I told her,
once,
she didn't hear...
she went along without her dear...
I tried to tell her
long ago...
Maybe she didn't
want to know.

3.14

2008-11-16T23:50:00.000-08:00

Oh how I loved that day on the shore;

I came with a hope but I found so much more...

I took what you gave but I gave all I had,

too high off the happy to choke on the sad.

but the movie's long over

the lights have undimmed

my heart's in a battle that time always wins

but still, you're more than time to me

you're more than time could ever be...

but the sweetest sleep's not what it seems

oh, infinite, merciless girl of my dreams...

Oh how I loved that day on the shore
I came with a hope but I found so much more
I took what you gave but I gave all I had
too high off the happy to choke on the sad
but the movie's long over; the lights have undimmed
my heart's in a battle that time always wins
still, you'll always be more than time to me,
greater than time really ever could be...
you're the corporeal form of a lone memory
of the ethereal child you only could see.
You're the long lost lover you hoped I would be.
and yet... do you... remember me...?

but the sweetest sleep's not what it seems
oh, infinite, merciless girl of my dreams...

Nessa

2008-09-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

He gave her ten roses,
nine real and one fake,
and promised to love her
'til the last one had died.

She left him too early
before she had known
how truly incredibly
hard he had tried

But he took his one rose
and wept all alone
'til his friend came along
and taught him how to feel...

And she said This black rose
will turn red someday soon,
will not die, but will bloom,
when what's fake becomes real.

They say it's all about to end.

2008-05-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

How can you just stand there
and expect me not to see?
You know it must be you, I know.
I know it must be me.

Natalie

2008-03-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

to love your hair and love your hands
that make the hearts behind the chair..
is loving you, and all you do,
enough to let you know i’m there?
forever, love, i promise you,
i’ve never made a better choice.
you know i’ll stay awake for you.
you know i’m desperate for your voice.

so shut up
baby
talk to me
let me know
we’ll never end

It’s getting late now
we should go
I miss you love.
Goodnight
Je t’aime.

On Poetry

2008-02-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

Memory can't be trusted, and as it ages it only becomes more unreliable. In recalling my childhood, I am quite certain friends were overrated, in my mind. Though it's likely my memory wanted to cover up that they simply weren't there. Either way, I had quite some time on my hands to think, as a child. I pondered extensively on the workings of the world- not exactly normal child behavior, but I prided in not being a normal child.

I thought about people and the foolishness of the human mind. We find acomplishment in studying ourselves and our world; why? We invent puzzles- the Rubik's Cube, Sudoku, riddles- and then we pride ourselves in solving them. We create things like numbers, then spend our lives studying them. But we never truly understand. Yet we strive for understanding, because in understanding there is control. We want control; we want the ability to manipulate things. We've learned to manipulate everything, from the Rubik's Cube to pens. Cards, numbers, emotions, basketballs, swords, guns. All of which we created for the purpose of manipulation. And somewhere along the line we learned to manipulate what's been in front of us for thousands of years. It holds responsibility, happiness, pain; but mostly, power: it is our language.

And thus poetry was born.

The War (History Assignment)

2008-02-21T20:08:00.000-08:00

I remember my first day

of trudging through the fields of war.
Looking at the trenches wondering
what the hell we do it for.

But soon I learned there wasn't time
for me to stand around and think.
Orders must be taken and
the guns don't wait for you to blink.

Then we see the enemy
and panic fills the air around;
The order and the training
all forgotten as we hit the ground.

Mortars bomb from all around,
but gunshots drown out all the screams.
A soldier falls right by my side,
blood mixed with tears for shattered dreams.

Your friends are falling, left and right;
it's all just way too much to take...
Just close your eyes and shoot it out.
Fire, fire, it's your fate.

Fire, fire, nothing else,
there's nothing else for you to feel.
Lift out of your body, it's a dream,
that's all, it can't be real...

People tell me, "Just be glad
you made it out of there alive."
But deep inside my heart I know
I never really did survive.

We're Fated to Pretend

2008-02-17T22:36:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a story

of a girl who lost her way

she cried into the night

and she walked into the day

all ready to pretend;

nice, big smile on her face...

enter with tranquility

and leave without a trace

so no one asks her where she's gone

or what she's gone to do

while she slumps in the bathroom;

blood and tears, they flow for you...

She'll get up, clean up, cover up.

Make sure her eyes aren't red...

Walk back out, bear through it cause

it's all just in her head.

Soon her ruse fails to suffice.

They endlessly ask her what's wrong...

But she knows they're just acting, see,

they sing the words but hate the song.

One day she had enough;

locked herself away inside.

Her parents tried so hard but

still she never would confide

all the things that had gone wrong.

Who was left to take the blame?

She stayed inside her room

and hung her head in selfish shame.

Eventually, her parents,

they got mad and broke the door.

Inside they found a body,

hanging up above the floor.

They broke, fell to their knees,

and they cried, without a sound...

Beneath her dangling feet

there lay a note, upon the ground.

The note said, "Please don't worry,

this is better, in the end.

Fate is just a lie, because

we're fated to pretend."

Jocelyn III

2008-02-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

What do you expect of me?
There's only so much I can give.
I tried my best, but that's too much!
I can't die for you to live.

Or can I? Is that what you want?
Kill me then, let it be done.
You know you'd never do it, see,
you love me like the frozen sun.

Your eyes... they look... so beautiful...
Even when you lie to me...
What's that? Too sweet? I made you cry?
Wipe your eyes, you'll never see

If you want nothing; that I'll be.
You don't mean a thing to me.

The Kids Aren't Alright

2008-02-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

I feel
like a child
a child at heart
who cries when they're lonely
afraid of the dark
afraid of the pain
that they've yet to feel
afraid of the monsters
yet to be real.
I feel
like I'm traveling
through places unmapped.
I feel like I''m dying
I feel like I'm trapped,
trapped in my head,
and I can't break through.
Oh hear me please,
I cry for you!

Watch Him

2008-02-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, no, just let him go.
What're tears but nothing, though?
Raindrops from the sobbing sky?
Drops which hold a wish to die?

And why this wish, you ask of me?
Well watch him, look there, now, you see?
He seems to bear his weight with fear.
You see, he's lost without her near.

There's nothing left to play his thoughts
but dwelling in the pain he's wrought...
See flowers bloom until they die
and angels loom until they cry...

Wait, no stop, don't let him go!
If he'll come back, you never know...

Jocelyn II

2008-02-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

I want to write a poem
to you, the light of day...
I want to write a poem
but I don't know what to say.

Probably something about
the way you make me feel,
or probably something about
how I hope this is real...

Or how 'bout just a beautiful
refrain of who you are?
You might be scared to get too close
but please, don't get too far...

Maybe you can't tell just yet,
but things I say, I say them true...
I hope someday you'll see that, but
for now, I wrote this, just for you.

I want to write a poem
made special, just for you...
If words are all you'll take,
then I hope this will do.

Hey Love

2008-01-27T00:39:00.000-08:00

Hey Love,
can I call you that?
That's what you are to me.
Hey Love
don't you believe me?
Come with me and you'll see.

Hey Love
don't you trust me?
No, I'd never let you down.
Hey Love,
don't you like me?
Know I'd never let you frown.

Hey Love
don't you love me?
Don't worry, it's ok.
Hey Love
what's the matter?
It always ends this way.

Hey Love
don't you remember
all the things you said we'll do?
But Love
you said forever...
What's forever mean to you?

The Exchange

2008-01-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

So the next day
since the girl lost the key
the boy went out
and he bought her
a hammer
and she tried
to break the box open
but she accidentally
broke the heart
he’d kept inside.

And when he gave her
the broken pieces
the boy said,
"I hope you miss it."
Because that was
all that was left for her to do.

Shit Happens

2008-01-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Often on the path of life,
people go through pain and strife...
You'll hurt and cry and hope for more,
you'll cut and bleed and scar and sore...
You'll act as if it's all okay,
you'll save it for another day.
Why bother them? They're doing great.
It's not their fault. It's your mistake.
Still, they can't help but worry for you,
the way you act, the things you do...
They wonder what went wrong that day,
They wonder what they could all say...
Still they'll never truly see
the things they did to you, to me...

Cos see, shit happens, people change,
Minds and hearts become deranged...
Just show them now, so they can see
the things they did to you and me.

Secret

2008-01-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

You'll wait until tomorrow.
I know this, now, you see,
there's no one in this world
that knows you more than me.

You're lying to me right now.
I'm quiet though, you see,
there's no one in this world
that deceived you more than me.

You left for quite a while.
I noticed, yes, you see,
there's no one in this world
that missed you more than me.

You'll never fade away from me...
I feel this, yes I do...
there's no one in the world
I love as much as you...

Jocelyn

2008-01-15T19:10:00.000-08:00

I love to get that feeling

that I hadn't in a while.

I love to go to bed at night

with one reason to smile...

a reason that will visit me,

the sharper image in my dreams

to come and blur the rest away

and make it all not what it seems...

Shh...

2008-01-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

show me what you've shown them all,

show me love that doesn't end,

where I'll be more than just her friend...

Show me someone that I'll meet

who'll think I'm more than just... so sweet...

and smart and kind and oh, someday,

someone will see and come my way...

Show me truth, and thus confide,

Show me love that won't divide...

Oh mirror, mirror, why can't you

just show me purpose like you do

to all the others, all around...

I'll break like you, (but not a sound...)

Maria III

2008-01-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

You don't need the key to my heart, see,

you broke it open nonetheless,

You're warm just like the haru, he

would never clean up his own mess

for you, for him, for anyone, no,

yet he deserves the love from you...

You made your choice, just leave me, go

and tell me when my heart's not true.

Maria II

2008-01-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, i'm fine, it's really ok,

as if it could end in some other way?

Just making up problems I dont really have...

Wallowing in sorrow that's not really so bad...

Crying for heartaches that don't really ache...

Striving for chocolate that's not there to take...

What? Oh sorry, lost topic, of course...

Can't help but get caught up in hate and remorse...

Shit, gotsta go, love, I'll see you in the end...

Por si encaso; Goodbye, my love, my friend...

See who cares enough to read...

2008-01-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know what I'm feeling right now?
Just crying and crying but I can't make a sound,
or someone might hear me, oh no, can it be!?
Someone that claims that they care about me!
Well show me, then, love, cure me from this!
Take me away to the happiness and bliss...
No, can't you do it? If you love me, you'll see...
There's no one, not even you, no one can help me...
I'll just cry here forever, all alone in the dark...
Alone in my room as the sky falls apart...

Shakespeare? O.o

2007-12-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

When all the world's a stage
and the script leads you astray
just pause before the ending,
take a moment, think, and say,
"No, this isn't right,
it's not supposed to end like this!
Think of all the happiness,
the friends, the love i'll miss!"
And hopefully they'll listen,
give you another try...
But "No," they say, "you can't,
for it's time for you to die.
If you'd done right, and played your part,
it wouldn't have to be this way!
Just sleep, now, in the dead of night,
and wake to death in the light of day."

I'm Done...

2007-12-01T21:26:00.000-08:00

I wonder if she'll read this

I wonder if she'll care

I wonder why I wonder this

I wonder who'll be there

when I'm too sad and lonely

to go on anymore

I wonder what I'm doing here,

and what I'm waiting for...

I wonder if she wondered this

I'll wait, but not for her

Someday I'll be back to me

someday I'll fight the blur

Someday she'll come find me

Someone, someday, will care

Someday might come too late...

Someday I won't be there

Cos someday I'll give up,

in looking for the one

Cuz someday is today,

And today,

I say,

I'm done.

Maria

2007-11-25T22:38:00.000-08:00

I think people think too much of things
when they wonder about life and what it brings
and they wonder about love and where they can find it
when it's right under their nose, but of course they're blinded
by her, in her glory, in her beauty and grace,
her body, her soul, her heart, her face...
it's too much to take in, it's confusing at times
even writing, it's hard, when she screws up your rhymes...
but in confusion you can find things, so I guess you could say
maybe sometimes it's ok to feel that way.
Either way, all it takes is to go with the flow
Because once it's all over, well, then, babe, you'll know
if it's real, or a dream, or a fallacy of heart,
that I'll stay with you, when the sky falls apart...

Crystal

2007-11-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

There was a girl named Crystal
She lived inside her head
Forever she was dismal
Infinitely she bled.
She shunned all those around her
the world, she didnt trust
the girls, with all their drama,
the boys, with all their lust
one love was too many...
one heartbreak was too much...
of course, she knew she shouldn't
but she wanted but his touch
to feel his arms around her
his warmth against her skin
the heart she was without
the soul he held within
It's too late for that now, though,
for long ago he left
he left her broken hearted
he left her heart bereft

he left her suicidal
he left her, in her head
he left her always dismal
he left her
all but dead

Not Yet Named

2007-09-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

How could u do this...
I- no, nevermind
I was wrong to think
you could be anything but kind
I'm sorry that- no!
I won't! Not again!
I love you too much
I can't be your friend!
Well, then again...
No no, don't you see!?
You never even
cared about me!
Ugh, forget it
just let me cry
I know I'd regret it.
Good, don't say goodbye...

Water

2006-07-15T22:42:00.000-07:00

Thicker Than Water

By ME!

im srry but i didn't really check punctuation and spelling.too bad

"prepare your soldiers!
load your guns!
our wait is up,
our time has come
to clear my name;
wipe our slate clean.
this man has come
to take my queen!
go on, now
let them all know!"
Says the great king
to the snow

"how do you wish
to win my heart
by speaking with
the frozen dark?
it will not help,
you know it well!
what darkness leaves
none can foretell..
confide in me,
my love, my king.
You ask my help
and that I'll bring!
come on, now,
and let me know!"
says the great queen
to the snow

"My beautiful queen,
where can I start?
My throne is cold,
my castle is dark...
but then you walk in
and oh so suddenly
the castle is bright
your light showers me
my heart is awake
my soul is aflame
without you my love
i won't be the same...
don't sit there my dear!
Help soften the blow..."
says the great king
to the snow

"You don't understand
I cannot stay here
it is he my heart wants
it is he i hold dear
i dont wish you leave
but i can't live I lie
I'm sorry, my king
but by me you must die
so go on, my king
speak now or be slaughtered"
says the ex-queen
to the dark water

Joselyn Terese Watson

2006-05-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Who, What, When, Where, Why, How?

By Arie

Who to turn to

when your heart wants to weep?

The beating askew

with the secret you keep

What do you do

when your faith shows untrue?

Wavered by the battle

between darkness and you

When don't you feel

like your mind is amiss?

In old age wisdom

or in newborn bliss?

Where do you look

when your soul lies unfound?

In the City of Hope

or the outskirts of Town?

Why do you live

when your life is a lie?

And which makes more sense-

to suffer or die?

How do you love

when your heart is complete?

The other half being

the one you can't seek

Tania Ovalle Perez

2006-05-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Will She Ever Know?

By Arie

I lend her my jacket

cleaned new yet so old

Will she ever know

that I'm lying and cold?

I tell her I'm looking

at the couple beyond

Will she ever know

that I'm watching her yawn?

She shows me her lover

We meet and handshake

Will she ever know

that my smile is fake?

Now writing this poem

I hope it's not true

Have I found love

in the angel that's you?

Shadow

2006-05-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

Slow Eternity

By Arie

By the tree

I stood watching.

Like the moon,

my heart waiting

for the sun,

for its falling,

and its light

slowly fading.

As my hope,

slowly dimming

in the light,

my heart swimming.

Drowning

in the light.

The light

getting shallow.

My heart,

what is left-

dim light

and great shadow.

By myself

I stand watching.