Secret II

anyways
whatever
happy one month
no one will know what this is about so don't bother
it isn't finished so i took out the body stanzas


I realize I don't matter,
but,
pretending, as I must...
I'd like to ask a favor
just between the two of us...

I want you, please,
to be the greatest
lover
you can be.
And give her all the qualities
she couldn't find in me.

I know
that you don't know me;
You don't even know my name...
and though you've never met me, know
I'll ask you all the same

I ask you...
please...
please love her...
If you care,
then show you do...
It took me time to see
but
she'll be happier with you.

I'm Sorry.

I told her,
once,
said, "Here, take this,"
I gave her something she might miss
I told her,
once,
to take this gift,
but she had something else to miss.

I told her,
once,
said, "Come with me,"
I thought that maybe then she'd see.
I told her,
once,
to come with me,
but she had somewhere else to be.

I told her,
once,
said, "Be with me,"
I never really thought she'd leave.
I told her,
once,
to be with me,
but she had someone else to see.

I told her,
once,
said, "I love you,"
a fool to think such love was true.
I told her,
once,
that I loved her,
but still her heart would not deter.

I told her,
once,
she didn't hear...
she went along without her dear...
I tried to tell her
long ago...
Maybe she didn't
want to know.

3.14

Oh how I loved that day on the shore;

I came with a hope but I found so much more...

I took what you gave but I gave all I had,

too high off the happy to choke on the sad.

but the movie's long over

the lights have undimmed

my heart's in a battle that time always wins

but still, you're more than time to me

you're more than time could ever be...

 

but the sweetest sleep's not what it seems

oh, infinite, merciless girl of my dreams...

Oh how I loved that day on the shore
I came with a hope but I found so much more
I took what you gave but I gave all I had
too high off the happy to choke on the sad
but the movie's long over; the lights have undimmed
my heart's in a battle that time always wins
still, you'll always be more than time to me,
greater than time really ever could be...
you're the corporeal form of a lone memory
of the ethereal child you only could see.
You're the long lost lover you hoped I would be.
and yet... do you... remember me...?

but the sweetest sleep's not what it seems
oh, infinite, merciless girl of my dreams...

Nessa

He gave her ten roses,
nine real and one fake,
and promised to love her
'til the last one had died.

She left him too early
before she had known
how truly incredibly
hard he had tried

But he took his one rose
and wept all alone
'til his friend came along
and taught him how to feel...

And she said This black rose
will turn red someday soon,
will not die, but will bloom,
when what's fake becomes real.

They say it's all about to end.

How can you just stand there
and expect me not to see?
You know it must be you, I know.
I know it must be me.

Natalie

to love your hair and love your hands
that make the hearts behind the chair..
is loving you, and all you do,
enough to let you know i’m there?
forever, love, i promise you,
i’ve never made a better choice.
you know i’ll stay awake for you.
you know i’m desperate for your voice.

so shut up
baby
talk to me
let me know
we’ll never end

It’s getting late now
we should go
I miss you love.
Goodnight
Je t’aime.

On Poetry

Memory can't be trusted, and as it ages it only becomes more unreliable.  In recalling my childhood, I am quite certain friends were overrated, in my mind.  Though it's likely my memory wanted to cover up that they simply weren't there.  Either way, I had quite some time on my hands to think, as a child.  I pondered extensively on the workings of the world- not exactly normal child behavior, but I prided in not being a normal child.

I thought about people and the foolishness of the human mind.  We find acomplishment in studying ourselves and our world; why?  We invent puzzles- the Rubik's Cube, Sudoku, riddles- and then we pride ourselves in solving them.  We create things like numbers, then spend our lives studying them.  But we never truly understand.  Yet we strive for understanding, because in understanding there is control.  We want control; we want the ability to manipulate things.  We've learned to manipulate everything, from the Rubik's Cube to pens.  Cards, numbers, emotions, basketballs, swords, guns.  All of which we created for the purpose of manipulation.  And somewhere along the line we learned to manipulate what's been in front of us for thousands of years.  It holds responsibility, happiness, pain; but mostly, power: it is our language.

And thus poetry was born.

The War (History Assignment)

I remember my first day

of trudging through the fields of war.
Looking at the trenches wondering
what the hell we do it for.

But soon I learned there wasn't time
for me to stand around and think.
Orders must be taken and
the guns don't wait for you to blink.

Then we see the enemy
and panic fills the air around;
The order and the training
all forgotten as we hit the ground.

Mortars bomb from all around,
but gunshots drown out all the screams.
A soldier falls right by my side,
blood mixed with tears for shattered dreams.

Your friends are falling, left and right;
it's all just way too much to take...
Just close your eyes and shoot it out.
Fire, fire, it's your fate.

Fire, fire, nothing else,
there's nothing else for you to feel.
Lift out of your body, it's a dream,
that's all, it can't be real...
 
People tell me, "Just be glad
you made it out of there alive."
But deep inside my heart I know
I never really did survive.

We're Fated to Pretend

Let me tell you a story

of a girl who lost her way

she cried into the night

and she walked into the day

all ready to pretend;

nice, big smile on her face...

enter with tranquility

and leave without a trace

so no one asks her where she's gone

or what she's gone to do

while she slumps in the bathroom;

blood and tears, they flow for you...

She'll get up, clean up, cover up.

Make sure her eyes aren't red...

Walk back out, bear through it cause

it's all just in her head.

 

Soon her ruse fails to suffice.

They endlessly ask her what's wrong...

But she knows they're just acting, see,

they sing the words but hate the song.

 

One day she had enough;

locked herself away inside.

Her parents tried so hard but

still she never would confide

all the things that had gone wrong.

Who was left to take the blame?

She stayed inside her room

and hung her head in selfish shame.

Eventually, her parents,

they got mad and broke the door.

Inside they found a body,

hanging up above the floor.

They broke, fell to their knees,

and they cried, without a sound...

Beneath her dangling feet

there lay a note, upon the ground.

 

The note said, "Please don't worry,

this is better, in the end.

Fate is just a lie, because

we're fated to pretend."

Jocelyn III

What do you expect of me?
There's only so much I can give.
I tried my best, but that's too much!
I can't die for you to live.
 
Or can I? Is that what you want?
Kill me then, let it be done.
You know you'd never do it, see,
you love me like the frozen sun.
 
Your eyes... they look... so beautiful...
Even when you lie to me...
What's that? Too sweet? I made you cry?
Wipe your eyes, you'll never see
 
If you want nothing; that I'll be.
You don't mean a thing to me.

The Kids Aren't Alright

I feel
like a child
a child at heart
who cries when they're lonely
afraid of the dark
afraid of the pain
that they've yet to feel
afraid of the monsters
yet to be real.
I feel
like I'm traveling
through places unmapped.
I feel like I''m dying
I feel like I'm trapped,
trapped in my head,
and I can't break through.
Oh hear me please,
I cry for you!

Watch Him

Don't worry, no, just let him go.
What're tears but nothing, though?
Raindrops from the sobbing sky?
Drops which hold a wish to die?

And why this wish, you ask of me?
Well watch him, look there, now, you see?
He seems to bear his weight with fear.
You see, he's lost without her near.

There's nothing left to play his thoughts
but dwelling in the pain he's wrought...
See flowers bloom until they die
and angels loom until they cry...

Wait, no stop, don't let him go!
If he'll come back, you never know...

Jocelyn II

I want to write a poem
to you, the light of day...
I want to write a poem
but I don't know what to say.

Probably something about
the way you make me feel,
or probably something about
how I hope this is real...

Or how 'bout just a beautiful
refrain of who you are?
You might be scared to get too close
but please, don't get too far...

Maybe you can't tell just yet,
but things I say, I say them true...
I hope someday you'll see that, but
for now, I wrote this, just for you.

I want to write a poem
made special, just for you...
If words are all you'll take,
then I hope this will do.

Hey Love

Hey Love,
can I call you that?
That's what you are to me.
Hey Love
don't you believe me?
Come with me and you'll see.

Hey Love
don't you trust me?
No, I'd never let you down.
Hey Love,
don't you like me?
Know I'd never let you frown.

Hey Love
don't you love me?
Don't worry, it's ok.
Hey Love
what's the matter?
It always ends this way.

Hey Love
don't you remember
all the things you said we'll do?
But Love
you said forever...
What's forever mean to you?

The Exchange

There was this girl
and a boy
and the boy
bought her
a necklace
with a key on it
and when he gave it to her
the boy said,
"I hope you like it."
Because that was
all that he hoped she would do.

She asked him
what the key opened
and he didn't know
so he went out
and the the boy bought her
a small
purple box
with a bright
red glow
from the inside
and when he gave it to her
the boy said,
"I hope you love it."
Because that was
all that he wanted her to do.

So the girl
went home to get
the key
but then she realized
she had lost it.
So the girl
looked around a bit
until she gave up
and decided
it wasn't worth it.
So she told the boy
and when he heard it from her
the boy said,
"I hope you find it."
Because that was
all that he needed her to do.

So the next day
since the girl lost the key
the boy went out
and he bought her
a hammer
and she tried
to break the box open
but she accidentally
broke the heart
he’d kept inside.

And when he gave her
the broken pieces
the boy said,
"I hope you miss it."
Because that was
all that was left for her to do.

Shit Happens

Often on the path of life,
people go through pain and strife...
You'll hurt and cry and hope for more,
you'll cut and bleed and scar and sore...
You'll act as if it's all okay,
you'll save it for another day.
Why bother them? They're doing great.
It's not their fault. It's your mistake.
Still, they can't help but worry for you,
the way you act, the things you do...
They wonder what went wrong that day,
They wonder what they could all say...
Still they'll never truly see
the things they did to you, to me...

Cos see, shit happens, people change,
Minds and hearts become deranged...
Just show them now, so they can see
the things they did to you and me.

Secret

You'll wait until tomorrow.
I know this, now, you see,
there's no one in this world
that knows you more than me.


You're lying to me right now.
I'm quiet though, you see,
there's no one in this world
that deceived you more than me.


You left for quite a while.
I noticed, yes, you see,
there's no one in this world
that missed you more than me.


You'll never fade away from me...
I feel this, yes I do...
there's no one in the world
I love as much as you...

Jocelyn

I love to get that feeling

that I hadn't in a while.

I love to go to bed at night

with one reason to smile...

a reason that will visit me,

the sharper image in my dreams

to come and blur the rest away

and make it all not what it seems...

Shh...

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

show me what you've shown them all,

show me love that doesn't end,

where I'll be more than just her friend...

Show me someone that I'll meet

who'll think I'm more than just... so sweet...

and smart and kind and oh, someday,

someone will see and come my way...

Show me truth, and thus confide,

Show me love that won't divide...

Oh mirror, mirror, why can't you

just show me purpose like you do

to all the others, all around...

I'll break like you, (but not a sound...)

Maria III

You don't need the key to my heart, see,

you broke it open nonetheless,

You're warm just like the haru, he

would never clean up his own mess

for you, for him, for anyone, no,

yet he deserves the love from you...

You made your choice, just leave me, go

and tell me when my heart's not true.

Maria II

Don't worry, i'm fine, it's really ok,

as if it could end in some other way?

Just making up problems I dont really have...

Wallowing in sorrow that's not really so bad...

Crying for heartaches that don't really ache...

Striving for chocolate that's not there to take...

What? Oh sorry, lost topic, of course...

Can't help but get caught up in hate and remorse...

Shit, gotsta go, love, I'll see you in the end...

Por si encaso; Goodbye, my love, my friend...

See who cares enough to read...

Does anyone know what I'm feeling right now?
Just crying and crying but I can't make a sound,
or someone might hear me, oh no, can it be!?
Someone that claims that they care about me!
Well show me, then, love, cure me from this!
Take me away to the happiness and bliss...
No, can't you do it? If you love me, you'll see...
There's no one, not even you, no one can help me...
I'll just cry here forever, all alone in the dark...
Alone in my room as the sky falls apart...