And we’ve already met.
But maybe you don’t know me like you should.
Of course, who’s to say how well you should know me? Well, I don’t know how well you want to, but I’m sure we could agree you should at least know as me well as you think you know me and maybe you don’t know me that well after all.
So know me.
Or not. Whatever you want :)
I am a passive aggressive person. I’m also recessive, and what I mean by that is that I’ll let you have your way, as long as it doesn’t hinder mine. I can’t ask you to do too much for me, because that would be taking more than I feel I deserve. I give in because I don’t like conflict and drama, unless whatever you’re doing truly is inexcusable to my own well being. You can have your way,
but that doesn’t mean you’re not wrong.
Sure I let people take the means. But when it comes to reasoning, I know my path. You can always convince me not to do something. You can never convince me that I shouldn’t do something. I have better reason than you, and I do welcome debate. Just meet me on AIM and be ready for actual, meaningful conversations based on logic and rationality. But I hope you’re ready for what you’re asking for, because
I’m good with words.
I just can’t say them. Thus the AIM requirement. I mean seriously, if you’ve ever heard me talk, you would know I’m quite literally incoherent. There’s that phrase, “Cat got your tongue?” It’s sort of like that but instead of a cat it’s a large metal cage inserted by an orthodontist in the front of my innocent mouth. My tongue cannot keep up with my mind, and so I don’t bother. No one understands my arguments in real life, so I don’t make them. My tongue pretty much just gave up on itself.
But my mind never stops.
Every minute of every day, I’m thinking, of something. I think in the form of conversations; debates with notable people in my life. I say my point, they say what I’d expect a smart person to respond with, and I think until I have a counterpoint. They run endlessly in my head, and I learn so much about myself and the world and how I see it, but whenever the conversations come up… they never go the way they were supposed to.
That makes me sad.
Because I’m an emotional person. I have my phases. They always last for long periods of time, and their variability depends on my situation but they all always come no matter what. I’ve been happy a lot lately, now that I’ve found my true friends, but I still get sad. Usually it’s when I fall in love, but recently I’ve been sad from deep, deep regret, from the silliest things. People hurt me, so easily, in ways I never let them know (because I’m passive aggressive, of course). But don’t worry.
I’m just the clerk who shoots everyone in the store.
Just kidding. I like to be sarcastic, cynical, and witty. Of course that may not have been too witty but generally I need someone to bounce wittiness off of. And when that happens, hell, even I love myself; and that’s rare.
I usually hate myself.
Because I’m human. I hate inability, so I learn everything I can, from penspinning, to popping, to taekwondo. I hate not being skilled, so I become skilled. I hate my subconscious and my emotions, so I do everything possible to rationalize them every moment I can. It helps, I think. Open mindedness is the key to true understanding.
And that’s what I strive for.
Because understanding is the key to happiness…
And that’s all I’ve ever really wanted.
To be continued?
